Tragedy Back Home
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: Unable to get ahold of her sister Amanda has to go back to dreaded Georgia. Family issues already, doesn't get along with her mama, and still isn't over the abandonment before Jesse arrived. Liv is there for her the entire time. Is Kim okay, Kim not okay is going through her mind. What she finds out in Georgia just bout rips her apart. She needs Liv more than ever...


**This is just a lil idea that was running in my head. Would say it takes place in current time period. Im still trying to work on other stories but drawing blanks right now on where to take them, so when new ideas come in I just run with it. Hope yall like this. As always feedback and constructive criticism welcome.**

A trip back home to Georgia was not wanted, especially not by detective Amanda Rollins. She hated the state of Georgia and the town of Loganville. Now being a mother of a toddler she really didnt want to travel. Who wants to take a toddler on a long ass plane ride that would prolly have one or two stops? Now she had to go back, apparently Kim had moved back home and gotten herself into trouble once again and their mother if you could even call her that had her fill of course and wanted Kim gone. So instead of having Kim out on the streets Amanda agreed to go.

"Alright Mama, I'll come down and get her. Tell me this why in the hell did you have her come back if you didnt want her there? Doesnt make any sense."

Amanda had gotten ahold of Olivia, she fully intended to see if her girlfriend could watch Jesse while she went. Hopefully it would just be a day if that. She really didnt want to bring Jesse around Beth. Her and Beth had always had a tumultuous relationship. "Liv I hate to bother you or even ask this but can you watch Jesse for me?" That was Amanda's question right as Liv picked up the phone. Hearing the urgency in her girlfriend's voice she inquired. "Sure Amanda. I can, though with work would you mind if Lucy watches her while Noah is in school? Is everything okay?" Amanda told her it was a family emergency and she needed to be gone at least a day.

"Amanda, would you rather I ask Lucy to watch the kids for a day and half and come with you. I just got a sinking feeling that something isnt right."

Amanda did want the company, especially with it having to deal with her family. Unfortunately she wasnt able to take on her mother alone. Her mother infuriated her to no end and Liv didnt even know that the most recent call before this one that Beth had hung up on Jesse, come on an innocent toddler. Who does that? She hadnt told Liv any of this. Liv would have a field day. Her girlfriend loved Jesse like she was her own daughter.

"Liv if you wouldnt mind coming with me that would be great. Do you think Lucy will mind both kids? I can most likely take care of and get Kim out of there in two days tops. But if you cant go my love, I will completely understand." Liv told her to let her go and she'd call Lucy. She even offered to bring home some dinner. Before hanging up she told Amanda to book the flight for both of them. Amanda looked at flights online while Jesse napped. She had a sinking feeling something wasnt gonna go right with this trip and that this trip may end her and Olivia and she didnt want that. She hadnt told her mother that she had a significant other and that wasnt going to go over well. Her mother had always denied that she was bisexual. Which Amanda knew as a teenager. Even though she hated the touch of a man, ever since her stepdads misdeeds with her. She had tried to be with men in school while she still lived in GA, they didnt make her happy. She dated girls as well which her mother absolutely hated. The one time she had chosen to once again be with a man, she had been with Declan Murphy. It was a one shot thing, she got pregnant and he just wasnt around. Yeah she got child support from Declan but he wasnt really the father figure. Her actually settling down with a woman who had a child of her own as well, wasnt going to help things. She didnt care though. She felt she was going to need Liv's support and that was all that mattered to her. She had booked the flights for later tomorrow afternoon, and coming home a day later. The sooner she got this shit done, Kim taken care of and back home the better. She just was worried bout Kim.

"Hey babe I booked a flight for early afternoon tomorrow. Hopefully this shit is quick and painless. I dont want to put you out. You are coming home early right? I dont wanna be clingy but I need my girlfriend."

Hearing the text alert go off Liv shook her head, as she was deep in thought about her girlfriend and their lil family. After reading Amanda's text she could tell that her girlfriend was rattled. She needed to get this shit done and get home. What the hell were they going to be walking into when they got to Georgia. From the first run-in with Beth back at Amanda's baby shower she already didnt like nor trust the woman, and then when she upped, left and abandoned Amanda when she was pregnant and for some reason wanted her mother around, it made her dislike the woman even more. She would more than gladly oblige doing whatever her girlfriend needed and or wanted even if it meant Amanda being clingy.

"Baby, I'll be home somewhat early. Whatever you need sweetie. Since you sent the flight information I'll text Lucy with it and she can prolly give us a lift to the airport. Have you booked a hotel room? Babe if it makes it any easier I can book the hotel room and take your mind off it. Look I'm gonna shoot Lucy a text and be on my way home in like ten minutes. xo"

When Olivia got home she saw the sweetest sight, on the couch in the middle was Amanda, on each side of her were the kids all knocked out. She took a quick pic and then texted Lucy to see if she would be available and if she would mind watching the kids. She told Liv what she always did, that it wasnt a problem and she'd be over early afternoon. She walked over to the couch careful not to step on Frannie, she kissed Amanda softly on the lips. Amanda's lips curled into a smile and quickly after she saw those bright blue eyes open. They quickly got the kids to bed, Liv wanted to be able to focus on Amanda and she couldnt if the kids were still in the living room. Tucking the kids in together was something they did every night or at least tried to do every night. It was routine, not to mention it hadnt been that long since Amanda, Jesse and Frannie had moved in and cemented their relationship.

After getting the kids situated they sat together on the couch. She could just feel the tenseness in Amanda when they sat. "Come here baby, let me hold you. I can search hotel rooms while you're in my arms." Amanda scooted into Liv's arms. This was where she felt safe, accepted and loved. "Liv are you sure you dont mind going? Is Fin gonna mind being in charge?" Liv kissed her forehead and told her no. She snuggled Amanda closer, Amanda rested her head on her girlfriends shoulder, she was beyond thankful for this woman. "Is it bad that I really dont want to go, that I am tired of being Kim's keeper? Didnt I do that long enough while she was here? Come on and plus my mother hates my lifestyle."

Lifting her head slightly she looked at Liv. "Babe, there's something I do need to tell you. It's going to rile you up. You see the other day when I was so pissed off. Well it's cause I called my mother to let her talk to Jesse, try and open up the communication, do you know she asked 'why the hell I was calling' and then... then... Jesse says "hi grandma" and my mother hung up on her. Come on Liv who does that seriously. Who fucking hangs up on a kid?" Liv kissed her gently and told her she didnt know and not to worry about it. "Baby she's got you, me, and the squad. We are her family, and we are your family. Don't you forget that." Amanda kissed her love's lips gently and then laid down on the couch. Liv put her hand on her back. "Manda you seem quite tense, would you like a massage?" Amanda moaned, "MMM that would be ideal Liv. If you wouldnt mind." Liv pushed up the garment, and unhooked her loves bra. The ministrations started out gentle but as her fingers worked their way up her back they got a lil stronger as they were working out the knots in her loves back. Soon after Amanda had dozed off. Not wanting to wake her girlfriend who seemed to be comfortable and sleeping peacefully, she curled up next to her pulling the blanket down on the both of them. She started looking for a hotel, after bout ten minutes she found one. Wasnt bad priced for two nights and it was in a decent area. She booked it and set her alarm. Pulling Amanda closer, she kissed her neck,cuddled and drifted off to sleep.

The alarm sounded off, waking the both of them. It was going to be a busy morning. Before they got the kids ready for Lucy, Liv wanted to make sure Amanda was okay. Kissing her girlfriend's cheek to wake her up worked. Amanda's eyes fluttered open. "Aww babe I love waking up like this." Liv snuggled her. She too liked waking up with the athletic blonde in her arms. "How are you feelin babe? I know you are nervous as hell for what today is going to bring." Amanda shook her head, "No, but with you by my side I think I may have a better grasp on it. I just cant shake the feeling that I'm walking into more than just going to get my sister to bring her back with me." Liv sat up pulling Amanda gently up with her. "You have me babe, I promise you that. Though that mother of yours may not like what I have to say." Amanda took Liv's hands in her own, "Liv she despises the fact that I am bisexual. Hates that I choose the love and touch of a woman over a man. She's gonna make digs at me, and those will be turned onto you. I just..." Tears began to stream down her eyes. Liv thumbed them away "Aww Manda, I have no intentions on leaving you and Jesse. Babe we have a happy lil family here."

They got themselves ready and packed. Amanda acting as normal as she could. Giving Jesse and Noah all the loves and snuggles she could. "Shit...Liv, will Lucy mind Frannie? With everything going on I forgot to call a kennel? I could ask Fin, even Sonny. Oh my god..." Noah saw Amanda freaking out, "Mama Manda it's okay, Im sure Lucy will watch Frannie too. I'll help her take her out. Mommy tell mama not to cry." Amanda swooped the lil boy up in her arms. How she loved him, her other child. "I love you Noah, you're such a big help, with Frannie and being soo good with Jesse." Noah gave a huge cheeky smile, his quick bond with Amanda was unbreakable. He loved the blonde and on his own he started calling Amanda "Mama Manda" once he saw that she wasnt leaving. He didnt trust easy but he trusted her. Liv watched the interaction between her girlfriend and her son. She adored how well they got along and how Amanda opened right up to him. "Look at two of my favorite people, hugging." Amanda smiled and Noah did too. "I love Mama Manda just like I love you Mommy." Both Liv and Amanda's heart melted. Jesse had woken up and wanted some time with Amanda. Amanda cuddling her baby girl who meant the absolute world to her. "Mommy dont tell grandma hi for me. She hurt my feelings. Are you and Mommy Livia gonna come home soon?" Manda's eyes welled up. Her own mother had hurt her daughter. Amanda hugged Jesse tight, not knowing what to say, she just held her. Come on what does one to say to their child why their grandparent didnt want to talk to them. Liv had joined them on the couch and to lighten the mood brought out the game of memory. Lucy was due to be there soon.

Lucy got there shortly after. The kids both excited to see her. Amanda looked at her, "I know you are watching the kids and I appreciate that a whole lot Lucy. Is there any way I could leave Frannie here with you as well? With all that is going on I completely forgot to call a kennel." Lucy looked at Liv and at Amanda, she put her hand on Amanda "Sure. That's not a problem at all. Plus she helps keep the kids routine. Everything okay Amanda?" Amanda looked at her. "To be honest not really, but I have the most amazing woman by my side, two great kids and friends like you that are helping me. I appreciate it. When Liv and I get back, I wanna have you over for dinner." Lucy nodded telling her that she'd like that. They got the kids loaded up for the ride to the airport. Liv told Lucy to feel free to use her vehicle while they were gone since it had the carseats installed. Took em about forty-five minutes to get to the airport. When they got there they saw that their flight was on time. Kissing the kids one last time and thanking Lucy for the upteenth time before boarding their plane.

"Liv this means alot to me that you are coming with me. I am just so sick and tired of being the one to bail Kim out. So sick and tired. I'm a mother now for christsake I can't keep bailing her ass out cause we had a shitty childhood and even more shitty parents. " Liv held her now trembling girlfriend. "Babe I have no where else to be. You and our family is what is important to me. You have to know this. Did you let Beth know that you are coming?" Amanda nodded, "I text her, she didnt respond. I've text and called Kim too. Wierd shit is I can't get ahold of Kim. Liv I have a really bad feeling something is wrong." Liv just kissed her gently, putting her arm around her and leaning her head on her shoulder. She needed to get Amanda to relax. "I'm here with you. I'm here on this ride with you. Regardless of what happens when we get to Georgia I'm gonna still be there." She then told her girlfriend to rest. She as well dozed off til they got to their connecting flight in North Carolina. As they got into the airport Amanda once again attempted to get ahold of Kim. Much to her dismay still no answer. This wasnt like Kim. They hadnt fought when she left. Boarding the other plane, her mother text her to say that she and whoever her guest was were not welcome to stay at her house and to make sure Amanda had made accommodations elsewhere. She touched Liv's hand "God why does she hate me so much?"

Their last flight was full of turbulence and just an all around bumpy ride. As if Amanda needed anything else to put her on edge. They went to luggage claim and thankfully retrieved their bags relatively quickly. The next stop was the rental car place since they were going to need a vehicle for a minimum of two days. They got the car in Liv's name just in case shit started here. "Okay Manda we got the car, so how bout we go check into the hotel, since its around six maybe we can get ahold of Beth or even better Kim. Plus get some food since we havent really had a good meal." Amanda agreed, figured it was their best option. Liv text Fin to let him know they had arrived in Georgia, she let Amanda call Lucy since you could tell she wanted to talk to her baby girl. Amanda eased up once she heard Jesse's voice. Liv talked to Noah and then to Lucy. Lucy told them all was good with the kids. She gave Amanda her love and support. The hotel wasnt far from the airport so that worked. Once they got there and situated Amanda took a minute for her and Liv, sitting on the bed she pulled Liv with her. "Liv I have a feeling that whatever it is Im stumbling upon here in Loganville isnt gonna be good. I just want to make sure that whatever my so-called mother says and or does isnt going to rip us apart. I can't lose you." Liv kissed Amanda, she needed to show Amanda that she was here regardless. Breaking the kiss lightly she tipped up Amanda's chin so she could look into those beautiful bright blue orbs as she spoke. "Amanda Marie Rollins, I am here for you and with you. I will not let words rip us apart. But why dont you text or call Beth and Kim again now that you are here, maybe you will get an answer."

 _ **"We are sorry the voicemail box of the person you are trying to reach is full. Please try your call again later."**_ Amanda looked at her phone like it was foreign. "What in the fuck is going on? Liv now it's saying her voicemail is full. I have a really bad feeling. Really bad." Liv held her girlfriend, she didnt want to admit that for some reason she was getting a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach as well. "Honey why dont you try Beth? Maybe we can meet up with her and go from there." Amanda nodded, she really didnt want to talk to Beth so she text her. **"I'm here in Loganville, at the hotel. I have tried to to call Kim and now her voicemail is full. I guess we need to meet up and see how to go about finding her. So where should we meet? Your house or somewhere in public?"** She waited for a response back. Liv rubbed her back. Amanda eased back into Liv's embrace. The more they waited the more she got that sickening feeling something was really wrong with Kim. She said ' _fuck it_ ' and told Liv they were going to go over to her mother's house. She didnt come all this way to not get any answers. Now she was worried as hell about Kim. It had been some time since she had heard from her and she was still getting ' _the voicemail box is full_ ' message when she called. "Liv I'm just gonna go over to her house. She can be unwelcoming all she wants but I want fucking answers and I deserve them." Liv knew she was right. "Okay sweetie, after we go there we should get something to eat." Amanda nodded, she knew she had to eat but the way her nerves were she just didnt have an appetite at all. Something in her gut was telling her that things were never going to be the same. "Liv what if something happened to Kim?" Liv wrapped her arms around Amanda "Honey I hope not. But you have me here through whatever is going on." They got on their way to Beth's, Amanda was determined to find out what the hell was going on. She wanted answers and wanted to get Kim so she could get back to her life in NY and as far away from Loganville and Beth as she could get.

As they pulled up, the cops were just leaving Beth Rollins' house. Amanda was confused as all hell. Her thoughts ran wild. So wild that she almost missed the driveway _'why were the cops here? what the hell was going on?'_ She was about to find out. Emerging from the car she got a sick sick feeling. The air was too thick, her chest was tight, she had the feeling that she was about to pass out. Liv put her hand on her back to brace her girlfriend and give her support.

Beth saw them walking up. "What in the hell are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?" She charged over to Amanda. "This is all your fault, all your damn fault." Amanda scowled. "What in the hell are you goin' about Mama?" the southern accent coming through strongly. Sure sign she was annoyed. Beth right in Amanda's face started to yell. "You couldnt keep her up there with you? You couldnt keep an eye on her. She's your damn sister for godsake. Don't you give a care bout anyone other than yourself?" Olivia had been standing by Amanda's side just watching the situation, she wanted to let Amanda handle this but also wanted to be there. "Mama I have a child to take care of. She comes first before anyone including myself." Beth whirled on Amanda, "She was staying with you to help take care of Jesse. Then she just leaves to come back here. Telling me that you never trusted her. She got on her regimen for the supposed bi-polar disorder and you never accepted that." Amanda put her hands on her hips "Mama, she was staying with me as a condition of her parole. Remember she had been arrested when you decided to say 'fuck Amanda' and leave me. That's when Olivia stepped in and graciously helped me out. But we arent here to talk about Olivia. So what the hell is going on? Why the hell were the cops just here?" Beth stepped forward, almost chest to chest with her daughter. Liv just stayed right there, letting this play out which it needed to. She had her girlfriend's back no matter what. Beth snarled "This is your fault. This is on your head Amanda. You got too big for your britches. Didnt care bout anyone once you left. All your damn fault." Amanda's eyes blazed, clenching her hands she knew Beth was baiting her and she was trying her hardest not to give in and slap her. Last thing she needed was an assault charge from the squad she had left to go to NY for. Not to mention she didnt want to deal with Patton. "Mama just spit the shit out will ya. This is what I mean about you and Kim being drama queens. Just tell me what the hell is going on."

Raising her voice **"KIM IS DEAD. YOU HEAR ME AMANDA, YOUR SISTER IS DEAD AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE.** " Beth then slapped Amanda going on and on, how it was all her fault. While it was still registering in Amanda's head what her mother had just said.

"What the hell do you mean Kim is dead? How? When the hell did this happen?" Amanda grabbed Beth's shoulder. "You need to tell me. What the hell is going on?"

Beth snarled once again. "Boy for a detective you sure are stupid. What do you think that cop was here for? Huh? Wasn't a damn trip to see how I was. It was to tell me they found Kim in a hotel this morning." Amanda started feeling like she was going to pass out. Liv this time put her arms around her love's waist, not caring what Beth was gonna say or what she thought. Amanda needed her. "Look Mrs. Rollins whatever happened is not Amanda's fault. You're saying that Kim is dead and that she was found in a hotel room this morning. Did they say how she died?" Beth looked at Olivia, "For one Ms. Benson your lifestyle choice isn't welcome here. I told that to Amanda last time I talked to her. For two, it really isnt any of your concern how my daughter passed away. All you need to know is that it's Amanda's fault." Now Olivia was starting to get pissed off. She told Amanda to sit down, her love looking pale and complete shock on her face listened. "Mrs. Rollins I mean no disrespect but my lifestyle isnt any of your concern. However Amanda is my concern. She did not kill Kim. After all Kim moved back here with you. You wanted her here, supposedly you could give her a better life. Amanda is a mother, that lil girl has to come first. Any real parent knows that and puts their child first. Now I know you know what happened to Kim so tell me. If not where I am a leiutenant with the New York City Police Department I can call and find out. Whether they like Amanda down here or not Kim was under parole and supposed to be in the state of New York. So tell me now before your ass is arrested for knowingly helping a fugitive cross state lines."

Beth knowing that Olivia could have her charged for helping Kim cross state lines figured she'd better tell Olivia. "First off Amanda she picked up you and your father's addiction habits. You followed proudly in your father's footsteps in gambling..." Olivia was getting more angry by the moment, especially with Beth's accusatory tone towards Amanda. "Mrs. Rollins enough. Just tell us how Kim died if you indeed actually know the truth. I'm getting sick of the shit you keep saying to Amanda. She's a person, not a piece of garbage like you keep treating her. I'm going to give you one more chance before I call the local precinct and find out myself." Amanda's anxiety kicking in, she needed to get outside, needed air. Her voice shaky "I'm stepping outside for a minute. I need a minute to myself." Olivia kissed her forehead and told her to take her time. She was going to find out what happened. Then Amanda spoke the words for the first time. "I love you Liv". As she was walking out, she didnt think Liv would say it back as they hadnt said the words before. Liv without hesitation said it right back "Love you too Manda."

Outside Amanda was shocked. She had said to Liv what she had been feeling for a while. She didnt expect Liv to say it back but she did. That meant the world. Her sister was gone. Maybe it was her fault. She didnt want to but the tears started pouring down. Inside the house Olivia finally got Beth to tell her what happened. Turned out Kim had died of an overdose. Olivia had asked what she had overdosed on and it was a combination of her bi polar medication lithium and oxycodones. The same shit Amanda had thought she was on when she found out about the lithium and bipolar. Beth looked at Olivia. "If Amanda had looked out for her sister, her sister wouldnt be dead. Now I have lost the only daughter I had. You and Amanda are not welcome here, nor are you welcome at the services, which will be private. Now if you dont mind I have to go make plans for my baby to be buried. You and Amanda can leave and never come back. It took all of Olivia's mental strength to not beat the woman senseless. They put too much on Amanda. It was not Amanda's fault that Kim chose to mix medication and in the end overdose.

Olivia went and guided her love to the car. Wordlessly she got Amanda in the car. Kissing the tears streaming down her eyes as she buckled the seatbelt. Getting in the driverside she looked at Amanda, the woman's world had been rocked a few times all in the same day. First she finds out her sister is dead, then she finds out that her mother completely blamed her for it, not to mention throwing up her addictions in her face. This was alot for Amanda. Liv put her hand on Amanda and started to drive.

"Did you mean it?" was the question spoken so softly that Liv had to ask Amanda to repeat it.

Liv squeezed Amanda's hand "Baby can you repeat that?" Amanda squeezed her hand back. "I um, I asked if you meant it when you said you loved me. I said it and you said it back without any hesitation."

Liv smiled, "I'll say it again. Yes I love you Amanda. There's no hesitation in that. I love you, I love our lil family. I told you babe I was here for you." Amanda took Liv's hand up to her lips to kiss it. "I love you so much Liv. You and our lil family. That's bout all I feel. Other than that I'm numb. I dont know how to feel bout what my mama said nor about Kim? My god she was young." Tears began to fall hard. Liv just pulled her head to her shoulder and drove them to the hotel. There were no words to make her feel better. There were no words to explain the tragedy. They finished the drive in silence, only stopping to grab some fast food.

When they got back to the hotel, Amanda went outside for a few just to gather herself. Liv took that time to call Lucy and check on the kids. The kids were doing well. Lucy had gotten them to sleep relatively early. They missed their moms, but where they knew Lucy it wasnt out of their norm to sleep while their moms were away. Lucy loved talking to them about the kids. "How's Amanda? Did she find out what happened to her sister?" Liv looked real quick to make sure Amanda was still outside, she was just looking over the balcony of the hotel. "Well Lucy we did come down to quite a mess. Turns out her instincts were right about something being off with Kim. Kim was found dead this morning. According to the reports that came back relatively quickly, she had mixed her lithium medication with oxycodone and it turned out to be a lethal mix, unsure if she had alcohol in her system." Lucy gasped. "Oh my god. How's Amanda taking this? Do you guys need me to keep the kids longer?" Liv told her no, most likely they'd be back late the next day. Lucy was just as enraged as Liv when she told her that Amanda's so called mother told them they were not welcome at services and that she blamed Amanda for Kim's death. Lucy told Liv to give Amanda her love, and to tell her how sorry she was that this was the outcome. Liv said she would and that most likely they would be home later tomorrow night.

After Liv hung up she stepped outside to check on her girlfriend. As much as she wanted to give her girlfriend space the weather had other plans. The sky that had just previously been sunny had opened up and began to pour like hell. She walked over to Amanda who was now shivering, hair matted down on her head, her shirt soaked and stuck to her, showing her black bra. She gently put her arm around her "Come on sweetheart, let's get you inside. Dont want you to catch a death of cold." Amanda turned and hugged her girlfriend. Tears falling down her eyes. Liv gently walked her girlfriend back into their room. She needed to get Amanda into a nice hot shower, last thing she needed ontop of this whole trip was for Amanda to catch pneumonia. After getting in the room Amanda went and sat on the bed. Liv went over and sat in front of her, taking her hands in hers feeling the need to hold and warm them. Amanda leaned into her, shaking she captured Liv's lips with her own. Liv could feel the feverish need in Amanda's kiss. She matched that passion, this woman in her arms needed to know how much she meant to her. The kissing went on for a few minutes til Amanda put a halt. She wanted to take a shower, feeling the need to clean herself. Not that Liv was making her dirty, but she wanted to cleanse herself from Beth's words earlier. Though as bad as she wanted to take a shower, she didnt feel like she had the strength to stand in the shower.

"Baby anything you need for your shower?" Amanda looked down, an embarrassed shyness coming over her. Mumbling "yeah you." Wasnt said loud enough so Liv asked her to repeat it. "Liv I um I said yeah you. Like I need you in the shower." Liv kissed her forehead, my sweet, no need to be embarassed. How bout instead of a shower we take a long hot bath. Maybe that will get you to relax more?" Amanda blushed, "I dont want to relax, I want to feel. I need to feel love and acceptance rather than what I'm feeling now." Liv grabbed her, "Babe whatever you need, I'm here. You need to feel, we will feel, together. You hear me? Together." Liv told Amanda to lay on the bed, she was gonna get the bath ready. All she wanted was for Amanda to relax and let her take care of her. Kissing her girlfriend once again she went and started the bath for them.

Once it was ready she got Amanda up and lead her to the bathroom. Amanda sighed when she saw, Liv had dimmed the lights and set up lil candles that had been in the room. "Oh Liv...I dont even know what to say." Liv kissed her to shut her up. Words werent needed right now. She untucked Amanda's shirt and pulled it up over her head exposing the black bra over covering her pale bosom. Though she could tell Amanda was cold or turned on as her breasts were in fact perky. "You are beautiful Amanda." She gently trailed her fingers down her taut belly, unbuckling Amanda's belt and snap on her jeans. Amanda shuddering with the gentle touch. Goosepimples left in the aftermath of the light caresses. She looked at Amanda for permission undo her bra and toss it aside, giving the silent consent Liv needed she quickly got rid of the material. Amanda feeling a bit insecure went to cover up her breasts but Liv caught her hands gently. "Babe please don't hide, let me look at you." Liv kissed her hands "Beautiful, just beautiful." Amanda felt a blush hit her face and a warmth between her legs. She needed the pants off and now, bending down to push her jeans and panties down her legs and disgarded them. She stood unabashadly naked infront of her girlfriend. Liv just kissed her and helped her in the water, Liv taking off her clothes quickly and joining her. As she sat back she pulled the now trembling blonde back against her. Once she was leaning back against Liv her tremors ceased. Amanda leaning her head back. "Liv today when I said I loved you, and then you said it back to me I dont know if you even know how much that means to me? What you mean to me? What our lil family means to me?" Her tears started to come back, "Liv you Jesse and Noah are all I have. Literally all I have. My sister's gone, and my so called mother hates me. Why? What did I do to have all this shit happen to me?" Liv wrapped her arms around Amanda, kissing her neck softly "Baby we are always gonna be here. We will get through Kim's passing, I will be here. You can scream, cry, talk whatever you need to do my love."

They sat in the water together for a while. Amanda finally had relaxed some. She still wanted to close to Liv when they got out. She wanted the skin to skin contact tonight. She kinda wanted to be intimate, kind of didnt. Her mind was so fucked up it wasnt funny. Liv decided to get out, she wrapped a towel around herself. She then grabbed a towel and helped Amanda get out of the tub. She wrapped the towel around her loves body, taking extra care in being very gentle. Amanda nipping her lips to kiss her. Of course Liv gave in and kissed her back. Amanda wasnt typically this affectionate so she wanted to let this play out as much as she could. Liv took her hand and walked over to the bed, kissing her once again passion heating up between them.

Laying her beautiful girlfriend down on the bed it was all she could do to contain her touches. Amanda being underneath she reached up and captured Liv's lips. "Please touch me. I need to feel something other than hurt tonight. We've now said 'I love you' to each other, can we show each other now?" Of course Olivia wanted nothing more than to be intimate with Amanda tonight. They had also been intimate before but tonight would take on a whole new meaning. They both had professed their love to one another.

Liv obeyed her loves pleas. The touching began. She wanted to make Amanda feel loved. But Amanda had other ideas. They had professed their love, Liv had been there for her during this tragedy. They made love multiple times that night. Each of them not being able to get enough of each other. "Amanda I love you so much. I cant even put into words what I feel. I hope I showed you or at least came close to showing you." Amanda kissed Liv with a fiery passion. "Oh Liv you showed me that and more. We've obviously been intimate and had sex before. This was different. I feel different, I feel we became _one_ tonight. I have never ever felt that before. Olivia you have shown me that you accept me for who I am regardless of my mistakes. You have showed me that you love me for me. Liv I adore you and I have loved you for sometime." Amanda kissed Liv once again, this time more lovingly. After a few minutes of more kissing and light caresses Amanda snuggled more into Liv, laying her head on her bare chest, she soon fell asleep. Sleeping skin to skin always eased Amanda, nothing to could be hidden, body as naked and pure as her thoughts. Liv placed a few kisses into the blonde hair of the woman she truly loved.

They had been home bout a week. Amanda was still reeling from the fact she hadnt been allowed to attend services for her sister. It bothered her that she wouldnt see or hear from Kim ever again. Least Jesse got to meet her, though too young to remember her she still met her regardless.

Work had resumed to normal. Both Fin and Carisi giving their condolences. While at work Amanda had a package come in from Atlanta PD. She didnt recall asking for anything from them. She opened the package and her head fell. "Excuse me guys. I have to show this to Liv." Fin looked at her, seeing she was kind of upset but keeping her game face on. "Everything okay Rollins?" She nodded and told him yes that she just wanted to show Liv what she had received.

She knocked on the door to her lieutenant slash girfriends office. Liv grabbed a small box and put it in her pocket before going to the door. Liv opened the door, smiling when she saw Amanda. "Everything okay Amanda?" Amanda nodded. "Can we take this in your office? Not that I dont trust the guys I just want this between us." Stepping aside to let her detective in she quickly closed the door and lead her girlfriend to the couch. She saw the blank, hurt stare in Amanda's eyes as she sat down. "Sweetie what's that you are holding?" Amanda handed her the envelope, speaking softly as her throat was feeling like it was closing. "I got this from Sam Reynolds." Liv took the envelope from her girlfriend's trembling hands. "Do you want me to take what's in here out?" Amanda nodded that she did want Liv to empty the contents. Liv dumped the contents on the couch inbetween them. The contents were the funeral card which Liv read " ** _Kimberly Elise Rollins- beloved daughter to Beth Ann Rollins and Derek Scott Rollins went on her eternal journey. She is survived by her parents and predeceased by both maternal and paternal grandparents. She has no siblings. Funeral services and burial were private at request of the family."_** Olivia couldnt believe what she just read. How she didnt want to look and see that hurt and pain in her eyes. She pulled her love into her arms. Feeling Amanda's hot tears drop onto the bare spot of her neck. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I cant even begin to know what you are feeling. I know you are hurt, you are numb I understand that as well. Please tell me what I can do for you." Amanda swiped at her eyes and tears. She looked to the table and picked up the piece of jewelry laying there. "Oh my god Liv, I gave this to her when she was going to therapy here. I was trying to keep her on the right track. I was. She told me as long as she had this she would fight her demons and stay clean. Now look where she is. Fucking what good did this do? My kid sister is gone. She's fucking gone." Amanda squeezed the necklace in her hand, almost as if she was trying to get a read of what could have gone so wrong to make Kim end up dead.

Liv touched Amanda's knee, she had to show that support, had to touch her to keep her grounded. It did, something bout Liv's touch no matter what was going on Liv's touch could always ground her. "Babe look, there's a note. Want me to read it to you?" Amanda nodded, she moved closer to Liv. Liv leaned back on the couch, leaving space for Amanda to curl up in her arms. _"Amanda I got a hold of this at the scene. I didnt want to give it to your mother so I put it away and wanted to send it to you. Always remember where you came from. Patton sends his condolences too and says if things had gone different Kim would still be here. - Sam"_

Liv sat there thinking how could these fucking people be so damn cold. Amanda had been through legit hell in that damn state. Noone giving a shit at all that she just lost her sister. Noone caring in the least about her feelings. "Amanda you know what, fuck them. Yes I said it. Fuck them. You have done so much, without them. You have come so far baby girl. So damn far. You know what I love you, Jesse loves you, Noah loves you. Girl you know your Fin's baby sister. You have to know that. Even Carisi loves you. Sweetheart you have us."

Amanda nodded, "Can we go home? Please? I just wanna be with you and the kids."

Liv took Amanda home. Fin had no qualms bout being in charge. Liv got her sweetie home. When they got there the kids were still awake and though they wanted to see Liv they both ran to Amanda. Picking up Jesse and taking Noah's hand she went and sat with them on the couch. Liv just watched the moment. Her lil family. She loved them with everything she was. In this moment she knew she had done right by grabbing the small velour box out of her desk before answering the door.

After having a little dinner and getting the kids bathed and in bed Liv decided it was time. Shit she didnt have a proposal speech planned. She didnt have time to think of one. She was just gonna have to wing it. Amanda had quickly gone and changed into her sweats and a tank top. She decided to put on the necklace that was in the envelope. She hoped Liv wouldnt scoff at her, not that she would but those damn insecurities.

"Amanda you look much more relaxed. You almost seem to have a lighter aura too. How are you doing?" Amanda smiled. "I'm doing Liv. You have made this so much more bearable. I dont know what I would do without you." Liv went over to her, she saw that Amanda had put on Kim's necklace. "Aww you're keeping Kim close." Amanda nodded. "It doesnt bother you does it? It just felt like something I should do?" Liv touched the necklace gently, sending goosebumps through Amanda. "No baby, doesnt bother me at all. It's giving you some peace of mind baby that doesnt bother me." Amanda relaxed more and smiled. She sat this time facing Amanda on the couch. "Look there's something I need to say and you need to let me say it, without interrupting me." Amanda sat back, kind of afraid of what Liv had to say.

" _Amanda we have been through alot in our time together. Some good, some bad but nothing we cant handle. Let me reiterate it's nothing we cant handle as long we do it together. We make a damn good team Amanda. I'd like to keep that. I guess what I'm saying is, I dont want to be just girlfriends anymore, I want more. I want you to be my forever. You get this. I want you to be my wife. I want us to be married and officially be a family. I want you to officially adopt Noah and be his mom and ifyou let me I want to adopt Jesse. If you cant already figure out what I'm saying Amanda, then I'll just ask. Amanda Marie Rollins will you do me the honor, making me the happiest woman in the world and marry me?"_

Amanda looked at Liv. Tears in her eyes. Not sad tears or scared tears, but tears of joy. Reaching over and kissing Liv before answering. "YES YES YES! Of course I will marry you."


End file.
